Technical glitches can take the All-In far out!

 How often do technical glitches really bog you down and ruin your day? Technology has come so far, it rarely is bad enough to really ruin a day any more. 

BUT...once in a while it can happen.

For the past month, there have been issues with the hosting of this site. It took ten+ hours over several days to rig a solution. It's not even a great solution but one that suffices. 

Can you relate to how frustrating that is? I bet everyone who reads this can relate.

Glitches spoil an all-in mindset. The key is to get the mindset back where you want it to be. Do not let tech or errors or anyone own your mindset! Right?

That's what I had to keep telling myself this last month.

Remember the three guys who annihilated the copier in the movie Office Space? 

I did not want to turn into those guys. Nor did I want to speak rudely to the tech folks trying to help figure it out. 

It's important to have go-to strategies for staying All-In, especially when surprises or negative events occur. 

All-In doesn't mean you don't feel the feelings though. It just means you don't let the feelings get the best of you causing you behave in a way contrary to your core values. 

That's it. Luckily the All-In mantra helps!

Keep on living and leading All-In,

Kelly

Reflect on 2020 to be All-In in 2021

Happy 2021 All-In Leaders!

A few folks requested guidance about how to reflect on the end of 2020, so here is what I provided. 

In just 13 questions you can ponder last year and move forward into 2021. The general idea is not to get bogged down in the past but to reflect honestly and start building momentum toward 2021.

In addition to these questions, I list the good and bad things that happened during the year. Just a bulleted list without details (not re-living the emo of them all). My lists mix personal and business because they get listed in the order items come up, but some people prefer to do the exercises separately.

It is helpful to reflect on last year to fully grasp the lessons and loves to bring into the new year.

I have been doing this, and studying it, since it was a sixth grade assignment. 

High-performance is not an accident, and neither is living a fulfilling life.

I am excited to share more with you soon so you can take the reflection further into 2021! Let's make 2021 our most All-In year yet!

U.S. Coast Guard Academy Graduates: You deserve to be proud

Yesterday's commencement ceremony for the 2017 graduates of the Coast Guard Academy included a speech by the President, which many have said missed the mark when it comes to inspiration. A retired rear admiral in the US Navy posted his thoughts about the speech, calling it "shameful."

His post calls out the speech does not fill in the missing part: the inspiration. The same treatment was given elsewhere too. I heard about the  speech late yesterday, and it bothered me that the cadets who spent four years learning, training, and practicing for their careers would be sent forth feeling slighted instead of inspired.

Since it stayed on my mind, I checked out the Coast Guard today. Just today, the following items are in the news about the Coast Guard's activities:

• USCG unloaded $500 million worth of cocaine

• USCG conducted search and rescue exercises

• USCG ended live tissue training

• USCG searched for a missing plane carrying four people near the Bermuda Triangle

• USCG medevaced a man near New Orleans, and he is in stable conditions now

• USCG rescued three people from a sinking shrimp boat

That's just today's news! If you were commissioned yesterday, you are going to be working hard! The Coast Guard saves lives, protects waters, and guards America's borders. Your mission is action, not talk. You are expected to execute your missions guided by the Coast Guard principles of honor, respect, and devotion to duty. You have been trained to live by those principles. Upon your graduation, you commit yourself to those three principles, and you can be proud of doing so.

The Coast Guard Academy's website has a section dedicated to Family and Friends. It includes the following message:

Right now, you're probably filled with all kinds of emotions. Pride. Concern. Delight. Anxiety. And that's understandable. After all, your loved one is considering joining the Coast Guard. 

I wonder if your family and friends who joined you for your commencement and supported you these last four years remember feeling those emotions at the beginning of your journey. They knew you before you attended this institution, and they know you have changed because of it. Of all the emotions listed, I hope the one that stuck is pride.

Their concern and anxiety have likely diminished over four years because they know you were trained by experts and you worked hard. They were delighted you committed to the Coast Guard and are delighted you graduated.

But pride is deeper. Your loved ones were proud of you on your first day at the Academy, they were proud on your last day, and they will be proud of the work you will do every day of your career. I don't think parents of history majors like myself feel that same pride. Accountants, lawyers, and engineers are loved by their families and friends, but it's not the same as what your loved ones feel about you. Yours are proud. Yours will be proud of you every day.

You make all of us, the public, proud. The public might not know much about how you do what you do, but we will know the results. We will hear stories about you getting drugs out of the country, rescuing workers from sinking ships, and giving families peace with information about plane crashes. The public needs you, and is grateful you took this journey at the Academy so you can be commissioned into the Coast Guard.

When we hear the stories, your names won't be mentioned. We won't know, but you will. You deserve to be proud of your graduation, and you deserve to be proud of the work you will do to protect the United States of America. 

Photo credit to CGA

Is your business motto "close enough"? Here's the one way to tell

Today I was treated to lunch at a mid-priced restaurant on Kansas City's Plaza. The restaurant has been known for outstanding service for at least 25 years, and today was no exception. Don't you love when the server is friendly and professional, the server knows precisely when to interrupt and when to back off, the food is delivered as order to the right person, and the bill is accurate and easy to process? The restaurant enhanced the experience with a colleague.

It was almost perfect.

The only mistake was one of miscommunication. (Aren't they all?)

This one was about Diet Coke. When the server took beverage orders, the requests were for water and Diet Coke. She returned with water and Coke Light. Coke Light is not Diet Coke. For the uninitiated, they might seem like the same thing. For Diet Coke aficionados, the difference would have been like serving lite beer to someone who ordered Guinness or Guinness to someone who ordered Diet Coke.

The restaurant is ultra service oriented. They care about the dining experience. People often chalk miscues like this up to disinterest, lack of caring, or laziness. None of those apply here. I also would not presume they get Coke Light for less than they could get Diet Coke, so I doubt it is financially based either.

This misunderstanding of their customer is based on good intentions, and fixing this could improve the dining experience of their customers who order Diet Coke. As a Diet Coke fan, I was surprised a different beverage was delivered then was disappointed when it was not tasteful to me.

When customers tell you what they expect (e.g. Diet Coke) and you deliver something close enough (e.g. Coke Light), what message are you sending them? 

The restaurant on the Plaza does many other things right, so the beverage did not ruin my experience today. It will not prevent me from going there in the future. But, I would not bet the same in all circumstances.

I would bet the message to customers at most organizations is, "We deliver close enough."

If your motto is not "close enough", listen to your customers. Talk, ask, listen, hear. Pay attention and listen some more. If you have not asked your customers about their experiences in a real way to enable them to share honestly and to enable you to hear them, your motto might be "close enough" whether you like it or not.

Goldilocks and the new year

Happy New Year Everyone!

Welcome back from the break. Some folks have said the break was too short. Others said it was too long. A few have said it was just right. The comments so far this week brought Goldilocks to mind.

Remember, Goldilocks and the three bears? One cup of oatmeal was too hot, another too cold, and finally one was just right.

As we embark on a new calendar year, let's think more like Goldilocks.

1. Let's take risks like Goldilocks did. You have to admit, it was pretty risky roaming around unfamiliar territory. But, she didn't just roam, she even tasted the food. Let's put ourselves out there a little further than in the past and be less fearful of the outcome of taking chances.

2. Let's keep trying like Goldilocks did. When the first bowl of oatmeal (what is porridge anyway?) was too hot, she tried again. When the second try didn’t meet her expectations, she tried another time. Let’s be not hesitate to try more than once. Too often, we give up after just one try; however, if we try another time or two, maybe we’ll reap greater rewards.

One example of trying over and over would be with delegation. When you task a colleague with a project and it doesn’t come back perfectly, talk it over, and try again. The next time, it will be better, so try another time. By the time the colleague has done it three times, it will probably be just right.

3. Let’s respond quickly to mistakes like Goldilocks did. At the end of the story, Goldilocks was napping in the “just right” bed when the bears returned home. The baby bear found Goldilocks in his bed and cried out, “Someone has been sleeping in my bed—and here she is!” Goldilocks heard the bear cry out, and she quickly jumped out of the bed and ran away. When we have warnings that something is not going to work out, let’s learn quickly and get out. Oh sure, I just said, let’s try and try again. But, let’s be reasonable about it. There’s a difference between cold oatmeal and a bear in your face. When something major is wrong, it’s time to see the bear and get out.

An example of this one would be when a guest speaker presents and it doesn't go as well as planned. Let's not keep trying with that person, let's move forward quickly to someone else so as not to waste our colleagues' time. Another example would be a project plan. If the plan is not helping the team be efficient, it might be time for a new plan. Or, it might even be time to cancel the project.

As you get back in the swing of work this week, I hope you enjoy seeing friends, working on cool projects, and participating in new year activities.

With so much excitement a new year brings, you might find that the start to the new year is just how Goldilocks would want it: just right. 

WWBMGD?

Last night my family and I went to Blue Man Group at Starlight in Kansas City. What an outrageous assault on the senses! I kept thinking, "What is this?" It's not a concert or a magic show or circus…it is all of those and more.

Once the shock and awe wore down, my thoughts turned toward innovation.

Whose brain suddenly went, “Let’s get three guys to do weird stuff like paint with balls in their mouths and stupid stuff like cram cereal in their mouths. And, let’s have them wear blue masks covering their whole faces! And, let’s not let them talk at all! And, let’s get the audience involved! And, let’s charge people money to watch them!”

Really? Who thought of that? How would the conversation go when they tried to gain support? Something like this, perhaps:

“Hey, Clyde, I have this idea for three blue men who perform stunts without talking…”

“Um, yeah, Bonnie, that would never work. Go schedule Kenny G.”

Someone came up with the idea and someone encouraged it.

According to a 2012 Fortune article, an average of 60,000 people a week attend Blue Man Group performances in six cities around the world — not including the touring shows — at an average ticket price of $59, or roughly $3.54 million in revenue a week from sellouts.

What do you think about that? Isn’t that remarkable, considering how hard it is to get people to think outside the box and be creative?

It makes me wonder what if we’re missing in our daily jobs. What if the writers of Blue Man Group came to your workplace? How would they view your organization? As more companies encourage more innovation, let’s get in the habit of thinking about Blue Man Group.

WWBMGD? What Would Blue Man Group Do?

Use the Z Model to encourage innovation. Where are you on the Model? Are you the idea person who sees things differently? Or, are you the one to get others involved on the way to figuring it out? Or, maybe you are the detailed person who likes figuring out how to make things happen? Or, you could be the person who gets it done. Which are you?

If you aren’t the first person, resist the temptation to burst the bubble of an idea. Instead, encourage it to grow. There will be plenty of time to figure out the details and whether the idea could really work or not. But, there’s no chance if our tendency is to stifle creativity right off the bat. Let the creative minds foster ideas.

If you are the first person, resist the temptation to hold on to your ideas too long. You might not be the best person to move an idea forward, so involve others and let them do their part. When the creative thinkers resist the rest of the innovative participants, they stifle themselves.

Someone’s brain came up with Blue Man Group—probably, a team of brains. And, others supported them, and others made it happen. Think about them as you create a culture of innovation at your workplace.

You can be patient or become one

​Raise your hand if you have been advised to develop more patience. [picturing all hands up]

Raise your hand if you heeded the advice. [picturing fewer hands up]

I was advised to do the same earlier in my career, and I recall thinking patient people were just slow, out of touch, and wishy-washy. Why couldn’t they just make a decision, I bemoaned. One of my mottos to this day is, “Let’s go!” which is not really the motto of patient people.

It has taken me a while, but it turns out, those advising of patience knew what they were talking about. I finally have developed patience and have observed five things about it that are worth sharing:

1. Patience brings perspective. If you slow down to think things through, you are more capable of seeing more to the story of any situation. The newly expanded perspective will enable you to present yourself better to others.
2. Patience yields better results. When you are calm, cool, and collected, your brain works differently than when it is under duress; therefore, you are able to be more creative and identify better solutions for whatever is causing the impatience.
3. Patience builds relationships. Our leaders are pressured to improve performance, while staff is pressured to do more with less. Our leaders want to build effective teams, while staff wants decisions made faster. The complexity of business today adds to the pressure everyone feels, and it is testing patience of staff at all levels. Today’s workplace calls for patience, as does the marketplace.
4. Patience opens eyes and doors. When you are patient with someone who sees things differently than you, you can learn from them. Your openness can lead to more opportunities.
5. Patience is a mirror. When you get impatient with a colleague (or, child), think about the cause of your impatience. You might discover that you contributed to the cause of your own impatience and frustration. Perhaps you didn’t train the colleague well or were unclear about expectations.

The next time you get impatient with someone, reflect on the bigger picture, potential solutions, your relationship, opportunities, and your contribution to the situation. Your reflection will allow you to see your maturity as a leader and your impact on others. Patience is not about waiting a long time; it is about how one behaves while waiting.

What else have you noticed about patience?

This blog brought to you by the letter B: Bacon!



Have you noticed the topic in the news more than anything else the last few years has been bacon? It’s everywhere! Bacon Diet Coke, bandages, mouthwash, candy canes. It’s not just for eating, either, it’s for wearing: shoes, watches, dresses!

What could your company do to gain the favor bacon has gained in recent years?

Why does everyone love bacon? Or, if they don’t love it, why is it socially acceptable to ridicule bacon haters?

What does bacon have that you don’t have? (Yet!)

First of all, it smells good even before you taste it. Does your company pass the bacon test? Are you as appealing to customers throughout your processes even before results? Are you easy to work with or is it time-consuming getting contracts signed, scheduling meetings, reading reports?

Second, bacon is available in small doses. You can cook a few strips of bacon then save the rest for later. (Okay, who really does that? But, we could.) Are you as accessible for customers? Can they rely on you for small projects with quick turnaround times in between the bigger projects? Or do they think you are only good at one thing?

Third, bacon makes everything taste better. It makes salads, burgers, eggs, and Scope taste better. Do you have the same impact on your work? Would your customers say working with you is the best part of their day? Are they jumping at the chance to involve you in even more work? Bacon is in everything because people love it. Can you build the same kind of love?

Oh sure, not everyone loves bacon and not everyone will love your company. But bacon focuses on those who do love it. It’s not trying to win anyone over or convince anyone that it’s great. Be like bacon!

How do you think your company could be like bacon?

Is consensus over-rated?

Consensus is great, right? Building consensus leads to better ideas, work efficiencies, and higher morale. Consensus is so important, there are courses taught on the subject and consultants earn big bucks when they facilitate consensus-building sessions for companies across the globe.

When there’s consensus, everyone is happy with the solution or action. Everyone buys in when they have contributed, which leads to higher productivity. Plus, there is a sense of camaraderie as people work together on the shared goal.

But there is a downside to consensus.

The most significant downside to consensus-building is the time it takes. It takes time in meetings, whether one-on-one or with groups, to build consensus. But, even beyond that, keeping the consensus as solutions are implemented is time-consuming. I wonder if too much time is spent here on reaching consensus.

Who says we have to be 100% happy with every solution we have to implement?

Can’t we implement solutions even when they are not our idea or preference? Is the expectation of joy for every minute of our day too high?

When too much time is spent gaining agreement for too many solutions, consensus can prevent accountability.

For example, let’s say two technical staff members explore an idea for a new product your company could offer. They do the relevant market research, calculate forecasts, and build the prototype that gains approval of their director to proceed. If the product fails or succeeds, the buck stops with the two staff members. Accountability doesn’t mean they get fired if it doesn’t work. It means they need to explain where the research and forecasts erred. They don’t get to say, “Well, it failed but Bob approved it!” On the other hand, if the product is a wild success, accountability means they get rewarded for success.

Consensus is not needed for everything it is used for all the time. Don’t use it to get out of making decisions that are your responsibility. Instead, get ideas and input from others, then make the decision. Also, resist the temptation to insist on consensus when you are invited to give input and ideas. Feel free to share then let our colleague decide.

When consensus leads to lack of accountability and to procrastination, the good part of it is lost.

How to cease the sabotage of emergencies and comfort zones

​Have you noticed the number of Urgent Care centers popping up around town lately? There are thirty listed in the Kansas City phone directory. Although the first Urgent Care center opened in the 1970s, there numbers have grown widly in the past five years.

The National Center for Health found that 48% of people who went to the Emergency Room did not have real emergencies. They went to the ER because their doctor’s office was not open when they needed care. To ensure proper care for urgent matters and emergencies, patients now have the option of going to an Urgent Care center instead of to the ER. Patients don’t have to treat every health matter as if it were an emergency.

Business professionals don’t have to treat every issue as an emergency either. In fact, doing so can make people look like they are not in control of their work, do not know how to prioritize, and are incapable of making wise decisions. When a manager operates in a state of emergency all the time, it demotivates their teams and causes lack of trust. When everything is an emergency, nothing is.

So, if we are not supposed to make everything an emergency, what’s this sense of urgency people have been talking a lot about?

John Kotter, Professor Emeritus, Harvard Business School, authored a book that has become the definitive source on urgency (A Sense of Urgency). Kotter says urgency is thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. “It is the thought that there is opportunity out there, feelings of determination to win, and behavior that is hyper alert and committed to movement that wins.”

In the interview John Kotter did for Harvard Business Press, he explains more about urgency:

Urgent people:

• Pay attention. They are alert and proactive.
• Seek information. They are on the lookout for external information relevant to success.
• See opportunities. They see opportunities in challenges and crisis.
• Move forward. They find ways to launch initiatives, form and motivate teams, and make a difference.

The sense of urgency is not created from feelings of contentment, frustration, anxiety, or anger. It is a sense of determination, strong desire to win. Urgent people realize there are obstacles and challenges—they are not ostriches with their heads in the sand—yet, they are positive and energized by opportunities.

People who live in a constant state of emergency or in their comfort zones tend to focus on trivial issues and on projects with no significant contribution to the organization’s strategy. They are not focused intently on progress but on chaos or status quo.

Kotter explains, “People who are determined to move and win, now, simply do not waste time or add stress by engaging in irrelevant activities. True urgency is not the product of historical successes or current failures but the result of people, up and down the hierarchy, who provide the leadership needed to create and re-create this increasingly important asset.”

The assessment below can help you determine whether complacency or a false sense of urgency are issues for you:

Question	Yes or No
1.Are assignments around critical issues regularly not completed on time or with sufficient quality?
2.Are discussions inward-focused and not about markets, emerging technology, competitors, etc.?
3.Are failures of the past discussed so as not to learn from them, but to stall new initiatives?
4.Are highly selective facts used to shoot down data that suggests there is a big hazard or opportunity?
5.Do meetings on key issues end with no decisions about what must happen immediately (except the scheduling of the next meeting)?
6.Do people have trouble scheduling meetings on important initiatives…
7.Because they are too busy?
8.Do people regularly blame others for problems instead of taking responsibility?
9.Do people run from meeting to meeting exhausting themselves and rarely focusing on the most critical hazards or opportunities?
10.Do people say, “we must act now”, but then don’t act?
11.Do people spend long hours developing power points on almost anything?
12.Is candor lacking in confronting bureaucracy and politics that are slowing things down?

Consider the following nine actions to prevent emergency states or comfort zones from sabotaging your work going forward:

1. Set reasonable deadlines, keep track of them, and honor the commitments.
2. Listen to what external resources like customers, new staff members, partners, and suppliers are saying. Understand the truth and anticipate needs.
3. Listen to external data, in addition to the people.
4. Identify the opportunities in every challenge and crisis.
5. Behave urgently daily. Urgency can be developed but if it’s not used all the time, it will diminish. If you only operate urgently every few months, that’s like the college student who crammed for final exams.
6. Watch out for the No-Nos. The No-Nos kill urgency. They say they are too busy, and they often stretch work out beyond reasonable limits.
7. Encourage risk by not punishing failure. Fear of failure leads to complacency.
8. Pursue winning relentlessly. Not to sound like Charlie Sheen, but prioritize actions based on their preparation for victory.
9. Sustain the sense of urgency with courage. You’ll need courage to ask questions, nudge others forward, and lead the impending changes.

Kotter goes on to say why companies need more urgency, “A real sense of urgency is rare, much rarer than most people seem to think. Yet it is invaluable in a world that will not stand still.”

Are your industry and customers standing still? You cannot afford to function in a state of emergency or in long-held comfort zones. The sense of urgency will propel your organization past this current financial state when you’re all functioning with the same sense.

Signs your team is going to lose

Twelve seconds in to last night’s Super Bowl, the Broncos’ quarterback, Peyton Manning, tried to communicate a change to his teammates. But, they could not hear him, and the center hiked the ball over Manning’s head. The result of the miscommunication was a safety worth two points for the opposing team.

After the play, Manning and a teammate had an exchange that revealed a team out of synch. Manning was saying something, and the teammate turned toward him and said a really bad F word. Did you notice that?

My first thought was that the exchange showed lack of respect and did not bode well for the team. Pretty easy to surmise when the other team scored a safety off their mistake. Whether Manning deserved respect from his teammate, and vice versa, is up for debate; however, what is not debatable is that without respect among teammates, losing is likely. Not guaranteed but likely. Right?

When your mistakes enable another team to score points, or gain favor, you need to consider how teamwork effected the error. Is your ineffective teamwork enabling your competition to score with your customers? It might be easy for outsiders to predict losing, just as it was for people watching the game last night.

Here are eleven indications that a team at work is likely to lose:

1. Fuzzy mission: Teams fail when the mission is unclear, assumed, or overlooked. Teams that rush to do something, and overlook the need for a clear direction, are likely to fail.
2. Weak mission: Some NFL teams say their goal all year was to get to the Super Bowl. Do they want to get there or win it? The teammates must be working toward the same goal.
3. Random changes: Teams fall apart when customer changes are not reasonable, understood, or challenged. A confused customer needs help getting on track, and most teammates want to offer such help. Of course, customers don’t always want it or take it, but the team needs to know it was offered. Frankly, if the customer does not want help getting their mission on track, is that a desirable customer? The answer lies in the difference between being like Burger King (“have it your way, we don’t care what you want, we’ll just give it to you”) and The Capital Grille.
4. Inattentive leadership: When leaders let the roosters rule the barn, chaos ensues.
5. Haphazard team formation: There is a difference between a bunch of individuals performing well and those who perform well together.
6. Ineffective use of the players: Super Bowls can’t be won alone, even when there is a superstar on the field. Teams at work will lose when teammates are not utilized for their strengths, knowledge, and experience.
7. Infighting: Disagreements can lead to creativity; however, everyone must realize there is often more than one right way for a team to win. Explore different ways then pick one and go.
8. Procrastination: See #7. When teams just fight and don’t move forward, losing is likely.
9. Limited resources: They say defense wins football games. If you have the best offense and the best special teams, but a poor defense, your team is not likely to win a Super Bowl. At your workplace, if you have the best program manager and talented teammates but a mediocre project plan, the team is likely to fail.
10. Stodgy solutions: Today’s challenges need creative, innovative solutions. Doing things the way we have always done them will not lead to anything new.
11. Poor communication: As shown in the Super Bowl, opponents will capitalize on communication miscues. Miscommunication wastes time, costs money, and can damage customer relationships.  

This list could help future work teams avoid pitfalls that lead to failure. If you want to hoist the winning trophy, pay attention to what causes teams to lose so yours can be set up for success.

What else do you think could cause a team to lose? The list could be endless.

 

3 simple messages from MLK that apply to the workplace

Today many of us take a day off from work to reflect on the accomplishments of Martin Luther King, Jr. As I was thinking of him this morning, three thoughts came to mind that I think are relevant to the workplace. They are related to dignity, excellence, and greatness.

Dignity

My first thought was about a famous picture taken in 1964 of MLK with Fr. Theodore Hesburgh, then President of Notre Dame. The picture, called The Picture of Purpose, shows the two arm in arm at a rally in Soldier Field. Fr. Hesburgh told the crowd of 55,000, “We want to strive for dignity with you.” He linked arms with Mr. King to sing the movement’s anthem, “We Shall Overcome.”

No one should have to strive for dignity. But, if someone does, do you strive with them? Back in 1964, they were striving for what most today would consider basic rights. But, today, people are treated without dignity in the workplace sometimes.

When a coworker is gossiping about someone, do you chime in? Sit silently? Or do you speak up on behalf of the absent person? Speaking in a disparaging manner is not treating someone with dignity.

Think about how you treat people who make mistakes. Do you teach them and rebuild their confidence, or do you hold a grudge never to trust them again? Holding a grudge is not treating them with dignity.

Those are just a few examples that hit home to me today. I wonder if we could all treat others with a little more dignity and respect.

Excellence

The other thought I had this morning was about Mr. King’s famous street sweeper speech.

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.’ Be the best of whatever you are.” Martin Luther King Jr.

Sometimes people get impatient with the pace of their promotions. They want the fancy office and title because they think their current ones are not impressive enough. I understand the impact of titles externally; however, they should have nothing at all to do with one’s self-esteem. Be the best street sweeper, chemist, technician, waiter, writer, manager, accountant, or data entry person because that is who you are, not because someone else labeled you as the best. Excellence comes from within.

As for the pace of promotions, it is often sped up when consistent excellence combines with a positive attitude over time. A street sweeper who did well for a few months but now complains all the time about how messy the job is earns a reputation for misery, not excellence.

Greatness

Mr. King said, “Everybody can be great.” Isn’t that remarkable? Every single person can be great. Really? You don’t have to be highly educated, wealthy, or famous to be great.

On days when you doubt your ability to achieve greatness remember what Mr. King said:

“Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?' Everybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. Greatness is determined by service."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Greatness is not determined by education, title, wealth, or fame. It is attainable by everyone who serves others. The thought can get lost in the midst of our celebrity-centric culture. Charlie Rose called one of the infamous celebutants “the most frivolous person on the planet.” Let’s serve others, and admire those who do the same, so we do not earn a similar moniker.

Three of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s messages remain relevant today in areas beyond what he was fighting for: Treat others with dignity, perform excellently, and achieve greatness through service. Seems simple enough.

 

Make this the year you stay off the treadmill

Happy New Year!
It is fitting that the first month of the year is named after Janus, the god of transitions and beginnings. Janus is often represented with two faces: one facing to the left, looking back on the past, and one facing right, looking to the future. As a new year begins, most people reflect on the previous year and set goals for the new one.

According to the University of Scranton’s Journal of Clinical Psychology, 62% of Americans set annual resolutions. Their research says 64% of those keep their resolutions past the first month of the year. Yet, by the end of the year, only 8% of those who set new resolutions accomplish them.

Only 8%?!

There seems to be an awful lot of time spent on setting goals that aren’t kept. If you’re one of the 82% of people who don’t set or keep their annual resolutions, how about employing a novel approach to setting goals this year: don’t do it!

In 2006 I met a consultant who shocked my socks off with his philosophy of goal-free living. Stephen Shapiro, whose book, Goal-Free Living, was published that year, said he had achieved more in his life by living without goals than when he was obsessed with setting goals.

I nearly hyperventilated at the thought of a life without goals. After all, how would you know if you accomplished anything? I was the aunt in the stands keeping score while five-year olds played basketball without a scoreboard. The thought that you wouldn’t keep score in a game, much less in life, was stunning to me and I was skeptical of Stephen.

As Stephen explained his philosophy further, and I read his book, goal-free living made sense. He told me about his constant struggle to achieve and how it distracted him from his daily life. Stephen referred to it as constantly being on a treadmill. After a while, you’d get bored on a treadmill and not work hard enough to get anything out of it. So, he stays off the treadmill of goal setting by using the following eight tips (copied from the book):

1. Use a compass, not a map—have a sense of direction, and then let yourself wander and try new things on the way to fulfilling your aspirations
2. Trust that you are never lost—every seemingly wrong turn is an opportunity to learn and experience new things
3. Remember that opportunity knocks often, but sometimes softly—while blindly pursuing our goals, we often miss unexpected and wonderful possibilities
4. Want what you have—measure your life by your own yardstick and appreciate who you are, what you do, and what you have . . . now
5. Seek out adventure—treat your life like the one-time-only journey it is and revel in new and different experiences
6. Become a people magnet—constantly seek, build, and nurture relationships with new people so that you always have the support and camaraderie of others
7. Embrace your limits—transform your inadequacies and boundaries into unique qualities you can use to your advantage
8. Remain detached—focus on the present, act with a commitment to the future, and avoid worrying about how things will turn out

If you are tired of the goal-setting treadmill and discouraged at the thought of another resolution failure, use Stephen Shapiro’s philosophy of goal-free living and stay off the goal setting treadmill for 2014. It turns out, success can happen without keeping score the old-fashioned way.

Link to Stephen Shapiro’s book on amazon:
Goal-Free Living: How to Have the Life You Want NOW!
http://www.amazon.com/Goal-Free-Living-Have-Life-Want/dp/0471772801

Quote du jour:

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed 

is more important than any other.

Abraham Lincoln

How to avoid the emotional roller coaster ride of the thin-skinned

Do you know someone who bruises easily? Over the weekend, I noticed a big bruise on my husband’s arm. The variations of purple would make any K State fan a fan of the bruise. Bob explained that the bruise is from having blood drawn at the doctor’s office earlier in the week, which led to a discussion about whether the blood taker was incompetent or his skin is just sensitive. We ended up talking about how skin reacts in different situations. Although we talked literally, the same is true figuratively.

Some people are thick-skinned and others are thin-skinned. As Bob deals with the arm bruise, others have to deal with emotional bruises caused by their emotional thin skin.

Thin-skinned people often experience an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs that increase stress, reduce productivity, diminish trust, and damage relationships. Someone who sees setbacks or criticism as major life events lives a painful existence much of the time.

 

Some people haven’t faced major life challenges, so they think minor setbacks are a big deal. Perhaps their parents removed all opportunity for adversity (don’t get me started on helicopter parenting), or perhaps they haven’t taken many risks. Either way, they have not experienced major challenges, so the minor ones are magnified to them.

Or, the opposite could be true. Perhaps the thin-skinned people faced major challenges and are still reeling from the impact.

If you want to hone your ability to bounce back after life challenges or adversarial interactions with others, consider the following strategies:

1. Release past adversity. Harboring insecurities from the past is not helping you thrive today.
2. Focus externally. Thin-skinned people often are internally focused, but focusing on others can help you see the adverse situation more clearly.
3. Accept advice. Build relationships with a support network you will trust to advise you when obstacles arise. Thin-skinned people often have a defeatist mindset, but if you have a close network who will tell you the truth, they can help toughen you up.
4. See the big picture. In the “All-In” book and sessions, I talk with people about seeing the bigger picture of their day, tasks, work, lives. When we are focused on the mundane, or negative situations, they can overtake everything else. Seeing the big picture helps people stop sweating the small stuff. It also helps people focus on their own goals instead of others’.
5. Think positive. No, skipping up and down the halls whistling Zippity Doo Dah will not help thicken your skin. But, recollections of triumph can. When you’re down and out, recall other successes and let those inspire you to work through the current situation.
6. Reframe the situation. Instead of dwelling on the adversity for the challenges, reframe it so you see the possibilities. Draw a vertical line down the center of a sheet of paper. On the left, list the parts of the situation that are not going well or that you do not like. On the right, list the possible outcomes and the benefits of going through this. Use that sheet to help you position the situation for solutions instead of failure.
7. Develop scar tissue. A great way to get thick skin is to be in situations that require you to use thick skin. So, seek advice and feedback from others. It is not easy hearing criticism, and some people are not great at delivering it, but it will help you toughen up.
8. Apply what works. Although the criticism or setback can sting, consider what would be useful in moving your forward. Take the parts you can use and let the rest go.

If you develop a more favorable cognitive emotional pattern, you can develop thick skin that enables you to thrive during setbacks from major life challenges to minor criticisms. Also, be aware of how your actions inflict pain on others and try not to bruise other people. In the immortal words of Michael Stipes, remember, “Everybody hurts, sometimes.”

Quote du jour

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt